I didn't know how to love you
by yami-marron
Summary: Research gave him nothing more than what Flash said to him. He needed to achieve the highest speed possible and simply go. No guarantee of coming back. No guarantee of seeing Wally, so many uncertainties. The question was, how brave Bart really was?


"Time to get in character."

Bart didn't have much of a choice when it came to deciding who exactly he was going to portray. He had to prove that he was of Allen origin, he had to make them believe that his family was there to teach him, to infest him with good spirits and never-ending energy. That he was one of their own. They said his grandfather was constantly joking and talking, but Bart had no way of verifying it. His own father had not met grandfather at all. Bartholomew Allen died not knowing that he was going to be a father and therefore Don Allen couldn't describe him to his son. Not that he would have opportunity to do that anyway. He died when Bart was two.

That left only one member of Flash family Bart could base his cover on. Wally West. He was the Flash Bart's mother remembered and told him about, he was the one the last cameras had recorded in his fight against the Reach. He joked till the very end, Bart noticed, clandestinely re-watching the discs he stole from the building that once was a TV-station in the Central City. He was lucky he met Nathaniel at all, even luckier that they were able to find a grotto the Reach seemed unaware of, perhaps because of the location. Mount Justice was not a place the Reach wanted to be remembered.

In the grotto he had plenty of time to practice his smiles, his jokes, his attitude. Just like a costume, he was sawing his new personality from the scraps of the past, hoping that no one would notice how improbable and fake it seemed. If he was loud enough, funny enough, colorful enough, he would pass.

So he watched everything he could that contained even a little of Wally West and tried on different smirks and smiles, trying to lose the true Bart Allen somewhere in the new Allen he was creating.

He should have known how the universe worked at this point. He got lazy, he grew stupid.

Drunk on his success in saving both grandpa and Nathaniel, blinded by his growing fondness of the boy that was destined to destroy everything Bart ever loved, blinded by his attempts to save him instead of stopping him, Bart stopped thinking. And this time it was not him who had paid the price. It was never him. The last time he had made a grave mistake, it was his mother who got punished. He should have remembered that as a rule.

The future had one Flash and one Kid Flash, that was a fact. That was not something Bart should have changed, he didn't even mean to change it, didn't believe he could. He should have protested when Wally asked him about taking up the Kid Flash mantle, there should have been alarms going through his head. But there had been none. Because they were winning, because Jaime was safe, because Wally finally acted as if he liked Bart even a little bit. Everything was well and Bart allowed himself to stop thinking, to be lost in the happy mask he had created himself.

And now Wally West was dead.

He was dead because he acted like a hero he was, the Team had said. But Bart knew the truth. He died because Bart was here. Because Bart had upset the reality with providing one speedster too many, the universe had to take one out of the equation. He should have known, he had built a time-machine, for god's sake! He should have slowed down even more, allowing Flash and Wally to outrun him, taking the shocks upon himself. But he didn't, because as always he wanted to protect his grandfather. He came here to meet him after all. To have a chance of loving him and be loved by him. To see how his father might have looked like. He was so absorbed with his feelings, with his need to save Barry, that his brain couldn't figure out that Wally was disappearing until it was too late.

It should have been him.

When he saw Artemis crying in Miss Martian arms, he was sure it was supposed to be him. He was an intruder no one would cry that hard after. The one who changed the past. It was his presence that upset the history and took the love of her life from Artemis. He was ready for her to blame him, he was prepared. But when he put on the costume, she was smiling. A sad smile, true, but a smile nonetheless. She said Wally would want that.

Wally would want to live, Bart wanted to say, but he stopped himself. Happy Impulse would not say something like that. _Wally_ would probably not say something like that.

He thanked her and went to the meeting, almost happy that he was no longer in team with Blue Beetle. Jaime was the only one who knew anything about the future and he probably did his math. He knew that it was Bart's fault. And if he was as observant as Bart always thought he was, then Jaime already knew that the obnoxious kid trailing behind him was just a fraud. The boy who ate everything in sight, that talked too much and that probably fell in love with him at some point, the Impulse, was never real. And Bart couldn't justify to himself why he could possibly pester Jaime with his presence now. The Reach were gone and Blue Beetle was free. Bart was no longer needed. So he let their partnership go, watching it disperse between his eyes. They didn't have time to talk anyway, and frankly Bart was sure that Jaime was glad to be free from the cheerful self-appointed bodyguard of his. He was just too nice person to say it out loud.

Working with Artemis was hard. Not that she hated him or refused to cooperate, that would be understandable, but because of how she looked whenever he came by. As if she was waiting for him to say something, to complain. To be Wally. But no matter how many discs he watched, he could never be Wally. It would be insulting to his memory to even try. And yet Artemis's eyes haunted him, their soft expression like an accusation. He was the one that took Wally from her. And he couldn't even let her pretend.

This was not his life, it was never meant to be. He was living Wally's time, time he robbed him of. And no matter how welcoming the Team seemed, he had no illusion as to which Kid Flash they preferred to be here.

Maybe if he disappeared? Maybe, if there was no Wally West impostor running around, the universe would give the original back? After all, there was no body. If Superman could come back from the dead, maybe Wally... Maybe Wally was somewhere.

And then, one day, he was sure.

"Well, Kid, watch out with the speed. " Said the Flash as the two of them dodged another attack of Queen Bee's men.

"I thought I was _supposed_ to be fast!" He answered, well-practiced cocky tone coming easily now.

"Not that fast. If you break too many barriers you enter Speed Force. No coming back from that." His grandpa answered, twirling around and hitting another squadron in one go.

"How do you know?" Bart asked, catching Tigress and running with her in his arms to put her on yet another high point.

"I came back! But only because of some big coincidence and alternate universes, or whatever that was. " And with that the Flash was out of sight, aiding Bumblebee.

Bart left Artemis where it looked it might be safe enough and zoomed back into the fry, his mind working fast. Speed Force...

Despite his first codename, Bart was not irresponsible. He liked to think the things through before he actually did them, disregarding of course the middle of a battle where there usually wasn't enough time to strategize. But outside of the heat and constant stress that someone he cared about might die any minute, Bart planned things. He analyzed pros and cons, tried to foresee every possible outcome. So he did his research first, after all he was determined but not suicidal. He could die for Wally, if he had to, if that's what it took to bring him back, but dying for nothing didn't suit him. He could protect his friends and family alive, dead he was useless. Unless of course, he brought them Wally back. Then his life was optional, though he would prefer to keep it. Some people would be upset about him dying after all, or so he guessed. They were good people, the lot of them, they were his friends even though he was just an impostor who robbed them of Wally. He was now aware of how Red Arrow must've felt when he found out he was a clone of original Roy Harper. But, then again, he didn't ask to be a clone. Bart willingly shaped himself into one.

There wasn't much about Speed Force the League knew and Bart was trying not to rise any suspicions, in case there was nothing to be done. He didn't want to give anyone false hope. For some time he considered creating another time-machine to simply stop Kid Flash from entering the funnel, but that was too risky. It might've resulted in the destruction of Earth after all and Bart would like to avoid putting anyone else's life on a stake.

Research gave him nothing more than what Flash said to him. He needed to achieve the highest speed possible and simply go. No guarantee of coming back. No guarantee of seeing Wally. Maybe he simply went to another universe? Or was stuck in between, his speed not being enough? Maybe he wasn't even there, the power of the Reach tech really blowing him up. Too many uncertainties.

The question was, how brave Bart really was?

Or, rather, how much did he love his life? His current life of course.

He adored the Garricks, both of them always ready to help and to joke with a boy that reminded them of their youth, never complaining about his talkativeness or odd hours of coming and going. Barry was everything Bart dreamt of when he heard of the Flash. He had no idea how to properly vocalize how much he loved his grandparents, mostly because he never had to before. He never met them in his own timeline and now he had Barry and Iris doing everything so he could get those years back. They would probably miss him. But not how they missed Wally right now. Wally was theirs, he was with them for so many years, he was... He was real.

It was hard to stop the act after so many months of playing the Impulse. His family didn't know how fake he was and he feared disappointing them with his true self. They were loving people, he knew. But they loved someone he wasn't even real.

The Team did too. He was aware how irritating he could get and frankly, he didn't care much. Sometimes he assumed that if he ever knew someone his age in the future, he would act the same. Wally had friends till the very end, so Bart would still mimic him to earn himself friends too. Besides, he wasn't blind. They were fond of him, in their own way. Of course, nothing could touch the bond of the original five and no one even tried to replicate what the original team had, but the team grew and they had place for Bart too. They were genuinely good people and he wouldn't want to part with them any more than he wanted to leave his family.

He liked spending time with Gar, arguing over movies Bart clearly haven't seen but wanted to make Gar splutter in indignation nevertheless, purposefully mispronouncing names and confusing plotlines. He learned a lot from Batgirl and Robin and they seemed to be well aware that there was more to him than he told, but they let him be. They were Bats, they knew the value of secrets. And in the short time he knew her, he learned to love Artemis too. Like an older sister he never had, whenever she wasn't searching for Wally in him, she was a constant support, the one who would understand. She wouldn't blame him if he failed, she would be grateful that he tried.

And then, there was of course, Jaime. Nothing to salvage here. In fact, it would be better for both of them if Bart left, all it would take was for Bart to lose concentration and uncomfortable truths would leave his mouth and that would be the end of it. No matter how nice and good Jaime seemed, he wouldn't accept Bart's feelings and would give himself hard time for that. Bart was in Reyes household often enough to notice that not everyone seemed in favor of 'loving whoever you want'. Jaime didn't seem to actually mind as long as it wasn't somebody he knew. Their fragile friendship, had it even existed outside of the Blue Beetle secret, would shatter. Fortunately, Jaime wasn't speaking to Bart anymore, saving him the stress. Let the events unfold as they want, it wouldn't be the first friendship that disappeared just because. No matter how it might hurt him now, Bart would manage. He had survived worse after all.

Deliberations took him almost a week.

No matter how he tried to convince himself that no one would miss him, that it was the only way to make a difference for good this time, it turned out that he had become even more selfish in the past. One moment he wanted to show everyone who he really was and ask them to love him even so, ther next he was discarding the idea and telling himself that no one would. That they wanted Wally. But perhaps, they would have a place for him too, after he takes Wally back? If he takes Wally back.

Artemis, unknowingly, made the decision for him.

They just left the zeta tubes, talking about the ridiculous names of many super-villains, like Mister Twister or Music Meister and she was finally laughing, her eyes crinkling as she watched his impersonation of evil villain speech and Bart felt something grow in his chest, some kind of warmth and then...

"You would be just as awful as a villain, Wally." She immediately caught herself, her hands coming to cover her mouth as she stared at him in shock. Bart didn't know what exactly his face looked like at the moment, but it was enough to make her cry. He did what he does best. He turned on his heel and ran away.

He didn't stop until he reached the North Pole.

No time like now.

 _The Impulse is an annoyance._ Khaji Da hissed in his mind when they were ready with their bomb, the short seconds between it was clear that there was one more. They were in Taos and Jaime was ready for Bart to ask him to go and celebrate, or something and true, Bart had that glint in his eye, the one Jaime couldn't exactly place...

 _The Impulse is infatuated with you. Suggested course of action: rejection._ The scarab told him and it gave Jaime a pause. The thought had not crossed his mind before, but that would explain it. The constant pestering, the unwavering loyalty Bart exhibited, the constant touching.

For the first time in a while, he was ready to agree with the scarab. If Bart was truly in love with him, the best thing he could do was to reject him, as gently as possible. It wasn't that he didn't like Bart or wanted him gone, he simply didn't feel that way. He couldn't feel that way, even if he wanted to and he rather didn't want to, no matter how he might have enjoyed Bart's company.

Before he could act however, the info from the Watchtower came and Bart was gone. No words, nothing, he just took off, leaving Jaime alone. Of course. His grandfather was in danger and no matter how aloof Bart wanted to appear, there was nothing he loved more than his family.

As he made his way to Arctic he finally had the time to piece together clues about Bart, looking in his memories for further proofs to scarab's analysis.

He came to the past to save the world from the Reach, that's what he had said. If so, his first lie might have been based on a little bit of truth. He truly did come to see the Flash. Not as a young man, but as alive. He saved his grandfather, probably saved Neutron, from what the boy told Tye and obviously, helped saving Jaime. And now, as usual, without thinking, he went to help his grandfather, to make sure that the Flash survived yet another world's end. The kid had to be under a lot of stress, Jaime realized, not that he ever noticed before. Because you couldn't really notice, not until Bart told you. He made you talk about yourself, so that you wouldn't notice you still didn't know a thing about him.

 _Such behaviour indicates dishonesty. Caution recommended._

When they landed in the Arctic, Bart was already running with the Flash and Wally, once again the fate of the world on his shoulders. Even with the scarabs scans it was hard to find Bart in the tornado the three speedsters caused.

And then Khaji Da told him about Wally.

Jaime didn't know Kid Flash that well, but he never had any ill will towards him and yet some small part of him was glad that it wasn't Bart. In love with him or not, Bart was still a loyal friend, a friend Jaime didn't have before in the Team. He was important, even if not in a way he possibly wanted to be.

The chrysalis stopped, the speedsters finally halted and Miss Martian reached Bart before Jaime could. When she let go of the Impulse to console Artemis, Jaime suddenly lost his courage to even talk to the boy in front of him. Bart's eyes were unseeing and though there was not a single tear running down his cheeks, he could see how hard Bart took Wally's death. Death Jaime was warned of. Maybe if he moved, if he warned them... How could he say anything to Bart now? He was so caught up in wishing that nothing happened to Bart that the weight of losing Wally hit him only after looking at Impulse's motionless form.

He didn't question it when he and the Flash refused to go back with them. The Allen family wanted to be alone in their grieving and Jaime could respect that.

He was surprised to see Bart in the Kid Flash costume during the debriefing and was taken aback when they were assigned to different teams. Nightwing always made sure they were both together, they knew how to work with each other... But Bart, the one to always demand to be with Jaime whenever he went, kept quiet. And so did Jaime.

It felt strange, not seeing Bart at all. Sure, most of the time it was on the verge of annoying, how often he appeared uninvited and how he never shut up and followed Jaime's every step, but if Jaime was honest with himself, he grew used to it. Hell, he even looked forward to it. And now Bart was nowhere to be seen.

It wasn't the first time Jaime wondered who exactly Bart Allen was. Sure, it took him some time to see that there was something odd about the kid because he was just so _present_ that most people didn't even think that there was something behind this facade. And Jaime himself didn't inquire before.

 _Your worry is unfounded, Jaime Reyes. The Impulse is no longer here, no longer distracting. Now we can reach our true potential._

And that potential would be...? Not that he had anything against the team he had been assigned on, these people were his friends after all, but he found himself missing Bart. The new costume, those few times he had seen it on a TV-screen, didn't suit him, Jaime decided. Impulse was Impulse, it was eerie to look at him and barely recognize the person inside it.

And finally, after one of the missions while he was taking a shower, it hit him. Bart no longer smiled, while fighting. Sure, from what could be seen from the footage, if any was available, he talked, maybe even joked. But he hardly ever smiled. The second realization that came to him was that Bart no longer visited him. At first it wasn't worrying, the boy was mourning after all, but it had been a month and Jaime couldn't remember when was the last time he simply spoke to him in the Watchtower. Strange for a guy who would run to him from Central City in the middle of the night just to hang out.

Maybe Jaime wasn't needed anymore. Bart had made it clear, he came back to make sure Blue Beetle stayed a hero. So maybe that was it, maybe the Bart had no more reason to play friends with Jaime, now that everything was under control?

 _You are being illogical._ The scarab informed him, almost sounding bored. That brought back the conversation from the Arctic. Could Bart fake being in love too? Or did he simply decide that Jaime was to blame for Wally's death and his feelings disappeared? No, he stayed on Jaime's side even through the whole on-mode period... He should be relieved that Bart was no longer infatuated with him, he was well aware. He should be happy that he didn't have to reject his friend, to hurt his feelings. And _yet_.

And then came the Friday.

He left the showers dressed and more or less relaxed, the rest of the team lazing around in the common space, arguing over which movie they should watch, everyone talking animatedly like teenagers they were after all, and yet it seemed too quiet.

"Hey, Blue!" He almost didn't notice Gar appearing next to him. "What do you think?"

"About?"

"A horror or a fantasy movie? Come on, it is crucial! We only need your and Bart's vote and... Wait, where is Bart?"

"I don't know?" It wasn't supposed to come off as a question.

"If not you, then who?" Gar replied, still smiling. That made something stir inside Jaime.

"I haven't seen him for a month, ese." He couldn't stop bitterness from pouring outside of him.

"That's... Actually, if I think about it... He rarely stays here, I thought he was with you this whole time." Gar and Bart were pretty close from what Jaime knew and if Gar hadn't seen him... Oh, God, he was probably moping somewhere, alone with his grieving, not wanting anyone to see how much he suffered and Jaime was here, wallowing in his own pity and insecurity.

"He arrives when you call him for a mission, doesn't he?" Gar made a face. " I think so... You see, he usually goes with Tigress and we are rarely on the same team..." Of course. No one noticed Bart was no longer everywhere because they assumed that he was with Jaime. It was irrational, but it angered him.

 _You are reasonable in your anger. You are not Impulse's caretaker. Destroy the Beast Boy for the suggestion._

He said goodbye to Gar and went searching for Artemis, but she was nowhere to be seen. He was not as desperate as to hunt her down to whatever she lived, mostly because only Robin and Nightwing knew and they wouldn't share. Still, it wasn't as if Bart wasn't liked on the team, someone would have... Maybe outside of the missions he hung out only with Jaime? Then he could ask his family, after all he kinda spoiled everyone his secret identity and with his name and powers it wasn't hard to deduce the Flash's civilian name.

He bid his goodbyes to the team leaving them with his vote for horror movie and a promise to bring Bart with him.

He zeta-ed to Central City and allowed Khaji Da to grudgingly search for Flash's home. At least since the Reach debacle the scarab was more or less cooperative, his threats against humanity decreasing in number. Not in creativity though.

He wondered whether he should reveal who he was to the Garricks. The last time he saw them was Wally's funeral and Jaime had been in his costume then, so his name might not say much about him. However, landing as Blue Beetle in the middle of the neighborhood didn't seem like a good idea either.

 _We can always leave._

"We can't." He hissed and landed few streets away, to change.

When he finally reached the Garricks' he already knew it was futile. Before he could knock, the door opened and an elderly woman shouted' Bart!', ready to crash him in a hug. It was horrible to see disappointment on her face as she perceived who exactly was standing in front of her.

"Excuse me, young man." She started, her eyes downcast.

"No problem, ma'am. I am Bart's friend, Jaime Reyes." She nodded and smiled politely.

"You may want to come in." She offered and led him to a small living room. She followed her already knowing that there wasn't much she could tell him.

"Do you know where he is? He talks about you often, I wanted to call you earlier but didn't have any idea how to get hang of you..." It was rushed and desperate and Jaime felt his heart sinking.

"I came to ask you the same. I haven't seen him for a month. I thought he was avoiding me." He tried not to notice the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

"Last Thursday he left for a mission and didn't come back since. Jay asked Barry and they tried to find him but..."

"Why wasn't the team informed?" _Why wasn't I informed?_

"They were, from what Barry told me. But they didn't want you to worry, you kids need rest after all you've done. Nightwing promised to help with the search but so far they have nothing." Jaime couldn't imagine what it felt like, being a part of a family where almost everyone is engaged in battling super-villains. She probably thought Bart had been taken, kidnapped, killed, maybe tortured... Oh, God, was he?

 _Slower your heartbeat, Jaime Reyes. There is no reason to be agitated. The Impulse's fate is not of our concern._

"Like hell it isn't!"

He was met with a very concerned stare from Joan Garrick.

"Did you search his room?"

"Not much to search, to be honest. He mostly keeps clothes and books there, I assume they didn't have much of those in the future." No surprise here. Though it came to him suddenly, he had never been in Bart's room before, for all the moments the speedster invited himself to Jaime's. He always imagined Bart's room to be full of food, or rather empty packages and containers, and of course, the crisps bags. So he was slightly disappointed when he saw a fairly normal room. Rather clean, visibly unused for some time, but the books looked well-loved. Bart probably read faster than any of them, he had plenty of time to read every book plenty of times.

On a sill there was a collection of little plants.

"He was fascinated by the concept when he first came to us. Then he started hoarding them. Too bad he doesn't remember to water them." Joan complained from the door.

 _Scanning for traces._ The scarab murmured and it sounded... well, concerned would be an overstatement, but it didn't sound as disinterested as before. And Jaime hadn't actually asked for the scan. _Only the Impulse's tracks. Traces of the Joan Garrick's presence. Nothing else. The Impulse had not come home._

"If he had been taken, we would already know." He said for Joan's benefit, not believing it for a second. Judging from her expression, Joan didn't either. He was spared another attempt to cheer her up by a ring. Joan went downstairs, leaving him alone in Bart's room.

Jaime was a failure as a friend. He thought he knew Bart better than anyone else, he was so sure there was nothing he could be surprised with when it came to Bart... Wrong, as usual. Aside from books, there were a few family photos, with Bart and Garricks, Bart and Barry and Iris, with Wally. No photo with the team, Jaime noticed. Not that there were many of them, the last time someone brought a camera with them, the teams was at a beach and Bart spend most of the time hiding from the sun and sitting around in long sleeves. So, no team photos.

There was some Flash merchandise lying around and that was it. Jaime shouldn't really expect anything else, Bart had nothing from his past with him, all he could do was to create his life here from a scratch. It slightly hurt that his life was focused on the family. Not that Jaime wanted dramatic pictures of Blue Beetle slaughtering the innocent, or 'Mr. Bar Reyes' written in a heart, but anything that implied that Bart had friends? That he thought they were important too? That he thought Jaime was important?

 _You are once again indulging in your own insecurity_. Khaji Da admonished, clearly irritated. _The Impulse is in love with you, does that calm you?_

No. Yes. Not at all.

"He is still not here." He moved to the bed, spotting a laptop left on in standby mode. Joan probably was set on believing that Bart had been taken so she didn't check his research history or anything. She didn't entertain the idea that he might have ran off on his own volition but Jaime learned a lot from his friendship with Tye. Sometimes people ran and your job as their friend was to find them. Breaking Bart's password took Khaji Da a few minutes.

All that they found was Wally. Articles about Kid Flash, phone-recorded rescues of the former Kid Flash... Not much else. Sometimes the history showed names of different dishes, one or two movies, but that was two months ago. His recent browsing consisted mostly of Wally West. Oh, no.

Before he could inform Joan, his communicator went off.

When he went down to tell Joan, she already knew. The fear and tears in her eyes told him everything.

"Why would he be on the North Pole?" Tim asked and frankly, no one had an answer for him. Jaime didn't feel like sharing his concerns for Bart's mental safety and judging from Artemis's expression, she didn't as well. Artemis was the closest to Bart at the moment and Jaime tried very hard not to take it personally. So what if he had been replaced. It wasn't about him at the moment. It was about Bart.

"We are not sure it is him." Nightwing answered and the team fell silent. It was bad enough that the Flash couldn't join them, a sudden villain attack occupying Central City. It might have been a coincidence, but coincidences rarely happened when one spent their time fighting with opponents like the Light. If Flash was occupied, he was probably the only one equipped to deal with whatever wore Kid Flash's costume and stayed unmoving on the surface. Just in case it was Bart, they had to be there as fast as possible, so that he wouldn't freeze to death. The costume would only grant you that much protection from the cold and he still wasn't moving. The satellite that spotted him fed them the same image all the time and Jaime was getting worried that it was hacked. Or that whatever they were going to find was simply not alive anymore.

Minutes were passing away too slowly, and logically Jaime knew that the bioship was doing her best, but it wasn't enough.

"Let me go ahead."

It was a testament to how Nightwing was worried himself that he allowed it. " Do not engage. Keep the radio on. We don't know what that is." With a nod, Jaime was off.

 _Engaging heat detectors._

So Khaji Da was worried, no matter how he proclaimed to wish utter destruction on Bart's person. He was starting to care, Jaime was weirdly proud of himself. He would be even more if another lesson scarab was to learn would be that of happiness and not loss. They had enough of that already.

They were getting near, the jetpack doing everything it could and soon Jaime started to recognize the ice structures. They were nearing the last place Wally West was seen alive. It could be Bart. With his obsession with Wally he probably came here to mourn, maybe look for some remnant of his cousin, anything. but it didn't seem right. If that was the case, Bart was probably dead of cold and hunger. It also didn't explain why he wasn't on the radar before.

Just few hundred meters, he could see the yellow uniform...

He halted in front of an unknown, unmoving frame of a person in a Kid Flash costume, their back turned towards Jaime.

 _Pulse detected._

Jaime's heart skipped a beat. He forgot about the radio, about the team. He fell on his knees, gathering the body before him closer to himself,

 _Jaime Reyes this is..._

He turned the man to look at his face...

 _...not the Impulse._

... And started into the face of an unconscious Wally West.

Wally was cold. That was the first thing he noticed. Well, he was hungry too, but that was nothing new. Even dead, or 'temporarily misplaced' he still felt hunger, so nothing new here. The cold however...

Then he felt something hot and liquid land on his face.

He made an attempt to open his eyes.

He succeeded. And was met with a sight he was sure he would never see again.

Artemis.

"Hey, babe." She was crying. He never saw her cry before, unless he counted watching _I.A_ that one Christmas evening. And now she was crying.

"Are you dead?" It seemed like a logical question to ask.

"No, you, you..." She didn't finish, hugging him tight so that he could hear his ribs cracking. Next thing he felt was someone putting a blanket on his arms. He turned his head and was met with Dick's tender smile. Members of Bat family didn't cry at all, but this was as close as Dick could get.

"Good to see you." He was taking to Dick and Artemis, but as his vision stooped to sway, he spotted the rest of the people around him, watching him hug Artemis back. She was still crying in his shoulder as he smiled at Tim and Kaldur who both seemed teary-eyed as well.

"I am almost sorry that I came back, you don't seem too thrilled. I mean, everyone is crying and all..."

"You would be offended if we weren't, stop complaining and enjoy your spotlight." Artemis replied and let him go.

He looked around. He would recognize the inside of the bioship everywhere and he was rather happy to see it again, but that finally led him to the question of how exactly did he end up here.

"What day is today?"

"The beginning of September. " Dick replied.

"Which year?" It was a crucial question if you knew that time-travel was possible. Still he would have to make sure that he is in a correct dimension... There was something about dimensions...

"2016, you missed two months."

"And summer ones too..." He mused and Artemis laughed a little, her arms still around his neck. "Now, not that I don't trust you, but I really need to make sure I am in the right dimension. When did I disappear?"

"The day you saved the world from the Reach. " If his memory was correct that could be true. He turned to Artemis.

"What's the name of our dog?" She sighed.

"Brucely, because you are that petty and not funny at all." Oh, God, he was home. He was truly home.

"How did you find me?" The smiles disappeared completely. The team looked from one to another, as if trying to establish what could they tell him and what should they hide. He didn't like it.

"No more secrets, Dick. You promised."

"Yes, but..." And that was all. Now that he felt warm, with Artemis by his side, with a blanket over his back, his brain started to work as it should.

"You didn't come for me. You didn't know I will be here. " He guessed, and by their expressions, he was right. " But Bart was supposed to... Wait, where is Bart?" He looked around the bioship, but his cousin was nowhere to be seen. "Where is Bart?" He repeated and the joyful atmosphere from before was gone.

"We don't know. That's why we came. We thought you were... that you were him. " Artemis confessed.

"But... Alright, let's compare notes, that would be easier, I think. Because I am confused and you are confused, and that brat was supposed to be here!" Worry entered his mind and tainted happiness from before. He said it would be 'all crash', no risk involved...

"Let me get Blue Beetle first. " Kaldur said.

"He is here too?" Wally scanned the bioship once again but didn't see him either.

"He is outside, looking for Bart. At this point I think he actually wants to freeze over there." With that, Tim was off, reliving Kaldur of going outside.

"He is worried too. He almost begged me to let him come with us." Dick informed him, as if Wally needed an explanation. He got up from the floor and sat down in the nearest chair, Artemis still by his side.

"I wouldn't refuse anything hot to drink."

"You would never refuse anything to drink or eat as long as it was free." Dick fired back, but went to get something. Wally's hand found Artemis's and finally together, they waited in silence for the rest of the team to join them. They had time to say proper welcomes to each other.

The bioship's doors opened and Tim brought in Blue Beetle who truly looked worse for wear. Desperate and slowly losing hope. Awful sight on a kid that young. Maybe not all was lost.

He accepted Bat-thermos Dick handed him and trying to sound calm, he started talking.

"Oh, crash, I made it!" At this point Wally was lethargic. He had no idea where he was, all he knew was that everything was... sparkling. Different colors, different rotations. Watching the lights flicker in and out was interesting for the first few minutes. Then it became irrelevant. Timeless. All he wanted to do was to go to sleep, his brain tired with figuring out how to move, how to speak. Sleeping sounded like a better idea.

And then came this voice.

"Wally! Wally, it is me!" He opened his eyes, trying to ignore the lights still shimmering in his vision. He stared right into himself. It took him a while to process what he was seeing. And what he was seeing was Bart in his old costume.

"What are you doing here? Are you dead too?" Bart laughed at that.

"Dude, you are not dead! And neither am I, unless of course I miscalculated, but hey, what are the odds that we would be the only ones in the afterlife?"

"Ugh, it is you. "

"Don't sound so happy to see me, cousin, I might blush. And now, seriously, stop complaining, we have got to take you out of here."

Wally narrowed his eyes. The kid sounded sure of himself and happy as always, but there was something off about him. Some nervous energy.

"Do you know how to get me out of here? And, let's start with the basics. What is 'here'?"

"Force Speed. A corridor between dimensions. If I guessed correctly, our shared kinetic energy doubled with the energy from the chrysalis allowed you to exceed your limits and brought you here. These shimmering things you see around you are dimensions, I guess."

"You guess?!"

Bart looked hurt at that. "This is pioneering science, alright? I had to make a thesis and as far as it goes, the observations prove it to be true. We will have to take another steps to see if I am right."

"Why did you come here if you didn't know how to come back?" And Bart fell silent at that, energy leaving his body.

"You have no idea how much they miss you. All of them. There is not a day when somebody doesn't mention or name, doesn't look for you." He admitted quietly.

"And now they will miss you too if you are stuck here with me, have you considered that?"

"Yes. But it is worth a try. "

"You might have just left them another reason to mourn!"

"They will get over it." This wasn't the Bart Wally knew. This one was harder around the edges, his tone calmer, the lightness of it long gone.

"Like they got over my passing?!"

"I am not you! And all of us know it." Wally opened his mouth to answer, to somehow knock some sense into the kid's head, but Bart sighed and waved his hand, ending the topic.

"The deed is done, we are both here. You can trust me and we can attempt to get out, or you can shout at me for all eternity. Worst-case scenario, you won't be sitting here alone anymore."

Wally took a few calming breaths.

"Fine. What do you propose?"

"I came here through the Force Speed, running around in circles on our tracks, basically. So I am able to create the right amount of kinetic energy. We need to run together here and jump the moment the energy reaches its peak."

"How would we know which dimension we will end up in?"

"I am not clear on that, but as far as research goes, you should be naturally pulled to your own dimension. Dimension hopping is not exactly in human's nature." Here, Bart gave him a weak smile.

"And that's all?"

"Got any better idea?"

Wally considered it. Bart's theory seemed a little far-fetched, but it was the only one they had and it worked well so far.

"Why did you come here alone? Barry might have helped..."

"And if it went wrong? He would be stuck here with us. Besides, this is my fault and I can sort out my own messes." Ugh, over-dramatic kids. Was Bart another Robin in progress? He had the potential with his martyr complex.

" I don't see how all of this is your fault, enlighten me."

Bart sighed dejectedly and sat down. Or, simply sat, because the physics didn't exactly work here. He sat, suspended in air. Or whatever that was. Wally's goggles didn't work anymore.

"You are never going to like me, are you?" And that was heart-breaking even for Wally.

"It's not that I don't like you it's just... You kinda took my place, if you know what I mean." A bitter chuckle escaped Bart's mouth.

"Trust me, I know. That's why I am here. To let you go back and take your place."

That sent off all alarms in Wally's head.

"Oh, no, no, you are coming with me. No more emo wallowing. You are not staying here all alone."

"What if it was my presence that upset the universe and..."

"You are giving yourself too much credit, kid. You are a hero and world's saviour, I'll give you that. But the whole universe wouldn't go out of its way just to screw your life. And there are people waiting for you as well. We are different people Bart and that means both of us will be missed in our own way."

Bart was silent and looked like he might cry.

"I am very grateful that you came for me, but you risked your own life and that is not a good thing at all. I know it comes hard for you, but your life matters to people you love. You seem to assume that all feelings you harbour are one-sided." He continued, coming nearer to Bart and pulling him into a hug.

"I am just a proxy for you. A worse, easier to obtain copy." He murmured into Wally's neck.

"Ugh, it's Roy all over again. You are not. Would you say that I am just a cheaper copy of Barry? And besides, I am quite sure your Blue buddy didn't feel that strongly about me." Instead of a chuckle or anything, a sign of embarrassment, maybe, Bart just shook his head.

"This one actually belongs in the one-sided category."

"You sure?"

"I am loud and impulsive, not stupid. Besides I am pretty sure he doesn't even like me at the moment, with the Blue Beetle debacle finally behind us and all."

"You will never know if you don't come back with me."

The hug tightened and Wally was ready to run, like, right now. Too much emotion in one place. "And you will break Joan's heart if you don't return with me." That did it. Bart let go and looked him in the eye. Still no tears or smile, but at least he looked like the old Bart - determined and brave. That Wally could work with.

"There is a possibility that I might emerge first so I will inform the team of your whereabouts, so don't worry." He said, matter-of-factly, but there was this glint in his eye, the one that appeared in every speedster's eye just before they go. It was in their blood.

"I guess it is time for us to run."

"...And the next thing I know was that I was cold and there was someone crying on my face." Wally finished trying to avoid looking at Blue Beetle. He might've revealed too much and breached Bart's privacy, but every bit of information counted. Besides, the boy was too crushed to say anything, it seemed.

"Oh, God it was my fault." Artemis whispered, sitting in the chair next to Wally. "I didn't meant to but... I knew he felt awful, I saw it on his face..."

"What are you talking about?"

"It was... Hard, to see him in this uniform and not to think, just for a moment..." Artemis didn't finish and she didn't have to.

"But why isn't he here? Did he go back or...?" Dick asked, looking for something on his portable database.

"He couldn't. He jumped before me. He should've been here before me."

"Maybe he was and something happened..." Tim was brave enough to sound hopeful. The rest of them sat in silence. Searching the Pole was useless, if they haven't found him by now there wasn't much to achieve here. And yet no one proposed moving away.

"He went back to his times." Blue beetle sounded defeated. Wally couldn't blame him.

"He shouldn't, he jumped right with me..."

"He told you before. You would be pulled to your dimension because dimension hoping was against human nature. He was not of our dimension." Blue Beetle replied and he didn't sound like Jaime anymore.

"He was! From the future, but that was our future!" Artemis exclaimed, but Wally already knew. He understood.

"But we changed that future. It was no longer probable for our dimension so it became a parallel one, or alternative, whatever. The point is... It is possible." Nightwing concluded.

Stupid kid. He probably knew... If he did his research... Did he lie right into Wally's face, tricking him into believing everything alright, or worse, did he lie to himself, hoping that at this point he would be wrong? Then again, there wasn't much choice. He could either go or stay, their dimension would no longer take him, it would seem. That damned fool literally exchanged himself for Wally.

And Wally looked at Artemis, at his team and for a fraction of a second, he was grateful.

Then the regret settled in.

It was a logical step, to go back. There was no reason to stay, to keep looking, Jaime was well aware. But that didn't stop him from sitting in one place, his eyes still scanning the window as if hoping to find anything that might have been Bart. No such luck.

Even Khaji Da was silent, not spawning any advice or scanning Jaime's vitals to determine how he was feeling. Jaime was well aware how he was feeling and scarab seemed to gather that and kept quiet.

The rest of the team was not exactly talkative either. Wally and Artemis kept to themselves, still holding hands and despite the worry and sadness, happy that they were together. Jaime tried not to hold it against them. After all, had it been Bart they have found, he wouldn't be crying over not finding Wally. Tim was lost in his thoughts and Jaime was pretty sure that they were going in the same direction as Jaime's. They liked Wally, of course they did. But Bart was of their generation and it was Bart they came here to find. They have mourned Wally, they have moved on. And now Wally was back and soon Bart would become what Wally has been for so long - a painful memory. Wally's hologram would be replaced with Bart's and the life would go on, new members of the team would learn about him only from the files and that would be it. Bart would stop to exist in this dimension. It was a depressing thought.

Would Artemis and Wally forget? Would Gar and Tim? Would Jaime?

But they have lost so many... And so many have came back. Kaldur, Artemis, even Nightwing, now Wally. If they could, maybe...

 _This train of thought is ineffectual. We have insufficient data, Jaime Reyes._

So, the scarabs was thinking about too. They didn't know much about the dimensions and even Bart, a guy who created a time machine was not sure of how they worked. Maybe the Flash would know.

Jaime didn't bother with seeing how the Team dealt with Wally's return. He couldn't stand another bout of happiness tingled with the horrifying realization that one speedster returned, the other had to go. Nightwing seemed to understand, because he let Jaime go., no questions asked.

He didn't want to go home, to tell his family that his friend was never coming back. Milagro would cry, she adored Bart, and she would blame him for driving the speedster away. She pestered him all the time why Bart was not visiting them anymore and what Jaime had done to him. She would be devastated to learn that her favorite was no longer here. No, he couldn't go and explain his mother and father that... He couldn't go home.

He thought of going to the Flash, to tell him what happened, to ask him if there was a possibility, even a small chance, that Bart could be brought back. But Allens preferred to grieve in their own company and Wally would be more suited to tell them.

Finally, he found himself at the doorstep of the Garricks', his armor retracted and knocking on the door.

Joan seemed happy to see him as she invited him to sit with her. She was sure he knew something, that he came with news and she wasn't mistaken.

She ended up crying with her hands covering her eyes as he finished telling her everything. He joined her soon enough, the realization that it was real, that there was no doubt that Bart was not coming back, finally settling in.

As predicted, the Team mourned and grieved for some time, Wally disappeared almost completely from the Watchtower, as if afraid that someone would blame him for what happened. No one did. In few months, the pain faded away and they still fought the good fight. Wally returned, despite his promises that he would never ever risk his and Artemis ever again. Jaime could guess that he felt as if he owned that to Bart.

Bart wouldn't quit and Wally wanted to honor that.

Gar still seemed a little bit out of it, his jokes not as frequent as before, but he was used to tragedy, he would manage. Tim was worse off, despite Cassie trying her best to be there for him. It was the second brother figure Tim had lost and it didn't get better the second time around. He often disappeared in the garden, probably staring at Bart and Jason's figures. Jaime never went to see the holograms. He just hoped that Bart was in his Impulse costume, instead of Kid Flash. Though it was his dream, it brought him more pain than happiness. Besides, Impulse was his own identity and it seemed Bart wanted that more than anything.

Jaime never asked and never went to see because that would make it too real.

"I know he was a good friend and you owe him a lot, but it is time to let go, you know?" Said Tye one day and it was not Jaime who was angered at his words. It was Khaji Da.

 _The Longshadow doesn't know what he is talking about!_

"Even the scarab thinks otherwise. It is not easy when I know that it was partially my fault." Tye sighed.

"But it wasn't. He made his own choice, fully knowing what that entailed. He knew the risk." And that angered Jaime as well. Tye didn't know Bart well, he had seen him a few times and thought it rather irritating, though funny at times, and that was it.

"He felt replaceable, he thought himself to be something less than Wally! I was his friend and I let him think that!" They were in the desert so no one would hear him screaming, but screaming didn't help either.

"If someone wants to think they are not loved, they will. Nothing you can do about it. I guess the Garricks think the same. All he did was to give you all a guilt trip and you will never be happy because you think it is your fault he left. It's his."

Jaime ignored the enraged screams of the scarab calling for Tye's blood and tried to calm himself down. Tye was not a cruel person, never has been, so why would he say such things?

When asked, Tye sighed again.

"And now you are angry with me... Look, it's not that I don't see why you all miss him, even I do, on occasion, but it has to stop. I am worried about you, because you are punishing yourself for something that is not your fault. You grieve, I get it, but you are taking all of Bart's agency from him." Tye said, putting his hand on Jaime's arm. "And I thought, if I give you an extreme opinion to counter your extreme guilt, you will finally arrive at something in between. I understand mourning, trust me. But if you die here while being alive, it wouldn't be much better, would it?" Jaime nodded absent-mindedly, trying to make sense of what Tye was saying.

"The rest of your group of superheroes somehow works, you should too. If not for yourself, then for them. They are your friends too, from what I gathered."

"It's not the same." Tye's eyes softened.

"Of course it isn't. People cannot replace people, not really. You will not meet another Bart, but you can still cherish the people that are still with you and lookout for new ones."

"When did you get so wise?"

Tye snorted. " I am just looking out for you."

They sat in silence for a while, just staring at the stars. He did it often with Tye before Bart came into picture, but watching them with Bart was something else. He had never seen stars before, he had said. At first he claimed that it was because there were too many lights in the cities of the future, but Jaime knew better. Every night he sat in the desert with Bart was magical because every time there was yet another star Bart had never seen before, another phase or color of the moon, another shape of cloud.

He didn't notice when he started crying.

"You were in love with him?" Tye asked and Jaime almost got a heart-attack. He couldn't be and wasn't, but if Tye even thought that he might...

"No." He replied, trying to sound calm. He managed, because Tye didn't even look suspicious, or anything, just turned back to watching starts.

 _No. But I should have been._

* * *

 _Right, so this is me being sorry for how this turned out. But while watching YJ I noticed that Jaime was less involved in his relationship with Bart than Bart, so I wondered why. It's not like he doesn't care, because we have seen that he does. So I decided to go with strong, Catholic denial - they can be homosexual, but I can't etc, and see what would come out off it. Angst, it seems._

 _I am not sure whether the dimensions work like this, but I guess if they are parallel, the time flows in similar measures there, so I took some liberties here, same with the Speed Force._


End file.
